apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
