You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
