Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
