You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
