You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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