i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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