i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
