i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Randomize
