..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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