do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
