there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
