I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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