im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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