she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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