3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
