TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
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She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
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We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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