living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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