babies were throwing up all over the place
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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