True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
