Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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