1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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