Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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