new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
