is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
