he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
