you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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