Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
