He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
