My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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