Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
