Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
