omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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