I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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