i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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