i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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