Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
