In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
