Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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