Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
