Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
