I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
