i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Randomize
