We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
