she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Randomize
