he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
