I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
