i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
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I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
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Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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