I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
