I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
But break dance skills will only take you so far
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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