"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
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That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
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Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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