did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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