just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
