Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
