Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
