I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
