I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
