I think my vagina is haunted
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
