To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I need help removing her.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
