i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.