Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(337): View more from Louisiana

it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.

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(253): View more from Washington

Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(484): View more from Pennsylvania

you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too

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(706): View more from Georgia

Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.

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(212): View more from New York

You're the only person not starstruck by him

(302): View more from Delaware

Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.

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(217): View more from Illinois

Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?

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