He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.