I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize