There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
