he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences In Dating Men And Women
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
gay sex achievement: unlocked
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.