I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.