Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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