Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
