Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
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