i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
