i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
We were destined to go to rehab together
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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