so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
