i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
We just shotgunned beers for America
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it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
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No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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