this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I need to stop coming to work sober
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
