She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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