tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?