I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
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She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
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Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.