Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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