At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
