Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
