im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
