birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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