Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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